If I have done nothing else this week, I have continually explained to myself why what I have chosen to do was the best I could possibly have done, given the circumstances.
I'm not sure this is really helpful. I mean, have I seriously considered pushing myself harder?
The answer is a resounding, "No!"
I am at that stage where pushing myself harder is sometimes counter productive. This grey idea of "duty" is like a dull knife. Sure, you can put a lot of effort in and use the knife anyways - but there are all kinds of opportunity costs! The cut is ragged, the wound is so much more painful and hard to heal, the effort to make the cut so much greater! I would rather spend my time sharpening my knife, I say. I will trade a poor cut today for a sharp knife tomorrow.
That is my reasoning. And it's gotten me here, Sunday morning, the class website still not up to par.
Regret is also a heavy burden to bear.
And yet, if you think about it in terms of a pendulum, or the clapper on a large, heavy bell, it makes more sense. I mean, when the pendulum is swinging with all of its force in one direction, consider how much energy is required to stop it in its tracks and change its direction. But if you allow it to spend its course, eventually it comes to the point where even a slight tap will add a disproportionate amount of energy to the system, sending it back on its way with greater force than ever.
And so I accumulate regret until it reaches a crescendo of desire, and then the desire fuels me forward.
The fact is, I am never really "good." It is just that sometimes I am better aligned with positive growth than other times. My theory is that if I keep WANTING to grow in positive directions, eventually I will.
What I have realized is that when I use myself as the measure for "goodness", I try to get away with as much as possible. This creates a loop where growth is minimal if at all. Since I actually have a sincere desire to GROW, that is, to become something that I am not yet, it has occurred to me that it would be safest for me not to worry too much about whether or not I am "good," but rather to keep my eyes on things that are outside of me. I like Ariely's idea of contemplating things like the 10 commandments to keep my perspective balanced and honest.
What has your experience been?
I'm not sure this is really helpful. I mean, have I seriously considered pushing myself harder?
The answer is a resounding, "No!"
I am at that stage where pushing myself harder is sometimes counter productive. This grey idea of "duty" is like a dull knife. Sure, you can put a lot of effort in and use the knife anyways - but there are all kinds of opportunity costs! The cut is ragged, the wound is so much more painful and hard to heal, the effort to make the cut so much greater! I would rather spend my time sharpening my knife, I say. I will trade a poor cut today for a sharp knife tomorrow.
That is my reasoning. And it's gotten me here, Sunday morning, the class website still not up to par.
Regret is also a heavy burden to bear.
And yet, if you think about it in terms of a pendulum, or the clapper on a large, heavy bell, it makes more sense. I mean, when the pendulum is swinging with all of its force in one direction, consider how much energy is required to stop it in its tracks and change its direction. But if you allow it to spend its course, eventually it comes to the point where even a slight tap will add a disproportionate amount of energy to the system, sending it back on its way with greater force than ever.
And so I accumulate regret until it reaches a crescendo of desire, and then the desire fuels me forward.
The fact is, I am never really "good." It is just that sometimes I am better aligned with positive growth than other times. My theory is that if I keep WANTING to grow in positive directions, eventually I will.
What I have realized is that when I use myself as the measure for "goodness", I try to get away with as much as possible. This creates a loop where growth is minimal if at all. Since I actually have a sincere desire to GROW, that is, to become something that I am not yet, it has occurred to me that it would be safest for me not to worry too much about whether or not I am "good," but rather to keep my eyes on things that are outside of me. I like Ariely's idea of contemplating things like the 10 commandments to keep my perspective balanced and honest.
What has your experience been?